Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
