If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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