I wish life had little blips of pornography
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm like, not good at living.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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