Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
