Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
