After last night, I could never be a politician.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
