You can't motorboat a personality
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
