I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
