He is such a slut. More and more my type.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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