I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
