I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
