i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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