In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm getting married
To pizza
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
