I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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