Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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