I'm so fucking centered right now
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
