I can text with my tongue
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Randomize
