My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
