Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
