Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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