# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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