i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
