Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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