I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
