Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize