her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She told me I should be a condom model.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
