Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
