Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
