Whod you bang
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
