k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
