maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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