At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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