remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
