So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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