oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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