you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
