OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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