"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
