He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I AM VODKA MAN
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
