That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
