i permit you to call me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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