...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
