I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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