Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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