dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
