he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
