my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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