My first STD was from a foam party
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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