It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
