Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
