White coat. Heels.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
organizing the empties. That sober.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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