i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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