I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I made him laugh his dick is mine
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
