just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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