You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
