I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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