i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
