it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
