i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
