Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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