be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
