maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
