Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
