I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
